I know this is old news…
…but I decided to check it out again for old time’s sake:
Yep. It’s still as treacly, nauseating, and…young as it was before. Eesh. And to think that there was a 20 minute version out there that got erased!
Some favorite moments:
3:23–when he determines that they are perfect for each other due to the fact that their hands are the same size.
4:57–one of your favorite memories together is of something called Watermelon Head? I really wish he would have elaborated there.
6:20–despite being “a little tired” and having a “sucky microphone,” Troy regales with song, specifically K-Ci and JoJo’s timeless classic, “All My Life”. It’s a powerhouse performance.
7:12–there’s more! Troy decided to just go off the script and launch into Daniel Bedingfield’s “If You’re Not the One”. I had to look that up. Troy’s got some wussy taste in music.
7:30–at the end of that 20 or so seconds of raw vulnerability, Troy does this infuriating thing again where says “Aw, babe” in this voice like he’s talking to her right there and she’s just so overcome with emotion that he has to comfort here. It’s hard to explain, really, but I’m pretty sure that he thinks this tape is just knocking her out right now with its emotional potency.
8:10–Troy does a funny voice. I barf.
8:53–this is some good stuff here. First off, I think Troy wants to fake crying, but he can’t really pull it off. Secondly, this is where I begin to suspect that he is a poor sexually-repressed Mormon boy. He’s from Idaho, right? Actually, I’m not sure how I know that, but I’m pretty sure it’s true. I cyber-stalked him, I think. Anyway, there are a lot of Mormons in Idaho. And he says something so important here: “I wish you were here hugging me…kissing me. MAYBE a kiss…if you want. But for sure a hug…it’s…but maybe a kiss. If you wanted to. Now that would be a dream come true.” Okay, you are Troy. You’re, like, sixteen or something. And you are six months in with this girl, and you’re still tiptoeing around the issue of kissing? Kissing is still a maybe? Poor Troy. f I could go back in time and travel to Idaho and meet Troy, I would say this: “Get the heck outta there, man! Go find that one girl from the Dairy Queen that all the boys like and the girls hate. The one with the reputation. Buy a Dilly Bar or Mister Misty from her. Flirt. Take her to the woods behind the mall and get to second base. Tongue kiss. Trust me…it’s worth it. Your life is gonna be so much better after that.”
10:25–Troy starts pulling some smart CYA moves, looking ahead to the . He tells Melissa (Kaiser, btw, it has just been revealed) that if she ever thinks he is losing attraction or getting annoyed, he’s not. He swears. Good preemptive strike there, Troy! Reading between the lines here, I think it’s safe to say, given the whole kissing controversy, that Troy is losing attraction and getting annoyed. Just sayin’ is all.
11:36–It was inevitable that we would get to the “forevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverever.”
12:31–”Even when I sleep I think about you.” I think the Bible says something about this.
It’s good to go back and revisit old internet memes and see if they’re still funny. Next time up: Star Wars Kid!
Tags: forever, free-love, internets, Melissa, Mormons, sex, Troy, Troy's Mixtape of Love, Watermelon HeadPosted by Lucas Jensen on 13 Sep 2008 at 12:29 pm
